Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I cut my penus on the lid.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My breasts were aching with rage.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
