it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
