It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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