I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
