My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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