You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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