I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
