somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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