how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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