when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Damn victory sex feels great
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
