i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
