this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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