i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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