Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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