So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
