there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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