my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize