the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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