I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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