smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
