She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
