I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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