I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
