hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize