i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
