I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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