i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
