let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
