I CAN MOONWALK!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
