After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
