Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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