I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize