i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
