youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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