remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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