the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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