this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
