hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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