If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need moral support for this bender
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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