just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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