She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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