His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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