I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
