Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
