i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
