Sponge bath it is.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
