We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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