She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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