thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
