I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
