I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
