I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
