Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His nipple licking is glorious
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