My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
