so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
