So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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