Moan for me like Helen Keller
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
