yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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