Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
