by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
