Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
