these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
