Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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