were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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