I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
