I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
