so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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