you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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