I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
