Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
