you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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