Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize