yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
