I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
