so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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