Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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