well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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