thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize