I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
