that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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