my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
