Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
