I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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