He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize