I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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