Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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