Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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