We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
