how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
