My hand turned me down
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
