Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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