but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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