sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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