Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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