where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
