you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
