Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
