i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
