god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
