I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
