It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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