Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry deathbybludgeon hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(615): View more from Tennessee

drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

Fav 45 1984 9955
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.

Fav 15 955 3689
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(224): View more from Illinois

Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.

Fav 32 4273 937
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult

Fav 6 2186 825
share tweet
(707): View more from California

I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.

Fav 1 819 538
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

I put xanax in the cake batter

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

Did you really? It all makes sense now.

Fav 15 1286 651
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(732): View more from New Jersey

For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love

Fav 1 1189 576
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(978): View more from Massachusetts

He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl

Fav 3 436 675
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(928): View more from Arizona

I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?

Fav 0 10 27
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT