she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
