Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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