He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
