She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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