Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
honey bunches of taint.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
