I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
