That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
COCAINE IS GR8
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
