He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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