I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I love you. Go after that dick
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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