Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
