Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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